Dracula’s Last Rites (USA, 1980) 85 min color DIR-DOP: Domonic Paris. SCR: Ben Donnelly, Domonic Paris. PROD: Kelly Van Horn. MUSIC: Paul Jost, George Small. CAST: Patricia Lee Hammond, Gerald Fielding, Mimi Weddell, Victor Jorge, Michael Lally, Alfred Steinel. (Cannon)
Several years ago, I found VHS tapes of Dracula’s Last Rites and three other films, all on the Paragon label, for $1.99 each. The cashier asked incredulously: “You want these?!?” His reaction was fitting, because the slipcovers were rippled with water damage. These tapes seemed rescued from the depths, much like the films Paragon distributed. Their catalogue consisted of the oddest films from around the globe, made even more odd and displaced in murky, often-greenish transfers.
Odd, alienating, and no-frills surely describes Last Rites, so named on the opening credits, and its theatrical run. This is one of several titles in Paragon’s catalogue that were released by Cannon, when they still had an identity crisis (pre-Chuck Norris, pre-Ninja) in their oddball selection of imports, sex comedies, and horror films.
The screenplay’s attempts to update vampire lore to the twentieth century has a whisper of originality in a small-town conspiracy including the sheriff (Alfred Steinel), the doctor (Victor Jorge) and last but not least, the mortician named A. Lucard (Gerald Fielding). Ho! Ho!
In the elaborate opening, a young couple suffers a car accident in the aftermath of a drag race. The young man is dead on scene, but while the girl is still alive (though barely), she is declared dead so that her body is brought to the mortuary, and the vampires can snack on her neck. After drinking her blood, they drive a stake through her heart so that she won’t resurrect as an undead vampire. Then they patch up the puncture wounds, prepare her body for burial ceremonies, and no one is any the wiser. Nice twist!
However, this enterprise goes awry as soon as we are introduced to our protagonists, the Fondas. Yes, the Fondas. Marie (Patricia Lee Hammond) and Ted (Michael Lally) are grieving at the death of her mother. Of course the doctor of this motley bunch prematurely declares her dead so that she is sent to the mortuary. (In a cut-in, we see the punctured neck of her body at the morgue.)
However, once the Fondas insist that they have the funeral services at home, Lucard and his gang attempt to retrieve the body from the house because they haven’t staked her yet. (Why didn’t they do it right away, as with the girl in the car accident? Were they saving the mother-in-law for leftovers, like cold pizza for breakfast?)
Similar gaps of logic occur in the climax, as the undead mother-in-law roams upstate New York (as far as the movie can afford, anyway). The vampires attempt to destroy her by exposing her to sunlight. Then, why are these guys able to roam freely at all times of day? Instead of fleshing out these plot points, more running time is devoted to these bloodsuckers always bickering among themselves. If these scenes are intended as satire, they are too forced.
There is a cold, brooding tone throughout the film, greatly enhanced by its throbbing “John Carpenter on the brain” synth score, the sparse, remote locations, and the minimal amount of characters. Only when Ted drives past a strip plaza with a Pizza Hut, is there an indication that this takes place in a “real world”. Its alienating tone is enhanced by the low budget production values, and unconventional looking actors- for many, this film was their sole acting credit.
It is too bad that a novel idea gets fumbled in the execution, and with uninspired acting and direction- those squabbling vampires! At least the film has a mood, but this too is unfortunately hampered by frequent shots of microphones, studio lights and the boom person’s arm in the frame. Was it masked improperly for exhibition, or did they just not care? As of this writing, the film was still only available on Paragon VHS, although the now-defunct (and likely not legit) EastWest label released it to DVD.